The guy I'm seeing is still using dating sites. What should I do?
Thread Tools Show Printable Version. Join Date Dec Gender: Girl i've been dating re-activates online dating profile I met a girl through a dating website and we've been dating about 7 weeks now, pretty full on, seeing each other 3 or 4 times a week. She keeps telling me how much she likes me etc and is really keen. After a few dates she said she had taken her dating profile down because she was fed up of boring emails of other men. I checked this and she was telling the truth. I noticed her texts had been slightly shorter and less jokey than normal for a couple of days, so it got me thinking, i checked her profile and it is active again!!!
How do i approach her about this? I dont want it to look like im stalking her, but everyone does this thing on the internet. Is there any innocent reason she could have re-activated her profile for? Location Brisbane, Australia Age 32 Posts Tell her she reactivated and you admit to looking. Your best bet is to tell her you feel she has become a bit distant. Doing this 7 weeks says things probably aren't working out too well. Join Date Aug Gender: Location The Back of Beyond Posts 5, If you're not explicitly exclusive, then she can do whatever she wants, and so can you.
When I am writing in re d , it's as an Attraction Forums Admin. When I write in normal text, it's just me. That's the thing though, i'd say they are working very well!! She's introduced me to her friends, she wants to meet more of my friends. She's constantly suggesting things we should do in the future, trips away etc. We have plans to spend New Years at my friends party. I dont want to be made a fool of by introducing her to my friends and then getting dumped a few days later, so i'm deciding whether to bring it up or leave it.
I agree, we aren't exclusive but she has kind of suggested as much.
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I after a few weeks of dating if she'd had anymore dates off the dating site and she replied "dont be silly, of course not, im dating you". That suggests to me she thinks it's exclusive, even without saying as much.
Girl i've been dating re-activates online dating profile
Plus, only a few days ago it was my birthday, and she spent a lot of money on gifts, taking me to dinner, drinks afterwards etc. That's why i'm getting mixed signals. Join Date Feb Gender: Age 36 Posts Sounds like you two haven't officially made things exclusive. It also sounds like she's waiting on you to make that first step and since you aren't, perhaps she thinks it's just casual dating.
And I can't say I don't understand that. Now, maybe you're thinking because you've been seeing her for 7 weeks, then it's already set in stone, but never assume. Just let her know you're interested in taking it to the next level. I think there's some mutual interest there, just nothing official.
7 dates. She still checks her online dating profile
Originally Posted by jay Join Date Jul Gender: Age 33 Posts 1, The thing that will be best is to confront her about it without getting mad. This always works in your benefit. Thanks for the replies. Quick update on this. Her excuses hold no sort of validity. Not to mention, if you're asking her about them, she must know you know about them somehow and isn't even making a strong effort to make it seem like she isn't using them. We can't say one way or another if she's definitely cheating on OP, but she's definitely looking for "something else.
No arguments from me. It's all circumstantial evidence, but there is enough between that and the lying about it to let it go. So sayeth us denizens of the interwebs, but OP's gotta see it for what it is I guess. Doesn't matter why she is logging in at this point, she has been lying her ass off to you.
Would end it on that alone, all the rest is just more reason to.
Time to say "Peace out, beee-otch! Even if she's not cheating, she's looking. Either for attention or something worse. It's not a good sign. There's no reason for her to be logging in that often. This isn't something that would be wise to just let go of. Personally, if someone I was dating confronted me about something like that and I wasn't messing around, I would have shown them my account's messages just to ease their mind.
The fact that she wasn't like "here, see?
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Don't waste your time or energy checking on her accounts. She doesn't even respect you enough to stop shopping for potential partners. You're worth more than this and you should end things and never look back. If she deleted her account she wouldn't get the promotional emails. She's lying to you, just leave. Please trust us and leave. She is probably addicted to the attention she gets. Unfortunately, the more interaction she has with online creeps the more likely she is to become accustomed to it, and ultimately let one of them talk her into sex.
Since you seem to care about her, you could try to help her break the habit. I can tell you right now, it won't be worth the effort. People who are weak willed and become addicts cannot be helped and should be discarded by people who cannot become addicts. Save your sanity, and let other addicts help them. But if it makes you feel good to try, more power to ya. Just tell her you told her you love her, and you like the feeling when she says she loved you, but you don't like the feeling you get when she behaves that way and you need to break up.
Sorry you are in the situation and I bet you have lots of ways to rationalize her behavior but bottom line is even in the best case scenario she is a liar. Dont waste your time. You are better than that. Dump her and move on with your life. I promise it will never get better only worse.
Welcome to Reddit,
Other people share my thoughts on why it's unlikely this relationship lasts, but let me give you a possible roadmap to the remote chances on how it might. That she's logging into dating sites while you're exclusive: Based on your history, it sounds very much like she really didn't want to lose you - but agreed to go 'exclusive' when you asked and tried to have it both ways. If it was just that, you could still recover. But repeatedly lying about why she's doing so? That's the bigger, uglier issue, and any small chance you have of sticking together is going to be determined by if she comes clean.
In that later-this-week meeting, I'd suggest giving her one final opportunity to be completely honest with you. If you do so, you're going to have to bite the bullet and accept that all prior transgressions are effectively washed clean by her doing so - as in, you are going to have to forgive her for them, along with probably taking a nasty hit to your ego when tells you her honest rationale of why she's doing so. Often, it'll involve you not being good enough for her in some way, since she's clearly getting something by her profiles being up that she's not getting from you.
If you can't forgive her, or can't find a way to trust her based on what she's done, or if you simply don't believe her, then there's no point in dating her anymore, and just be up front about that as you split up. Something you could do, is make a profile of a good looking guy and send her a message. You might want to make multiple profiles with differing attractiveness if you really wanna go all out creepy and get a better answer. Ya dude, my ex did that same shit to me.
She's my ex now for a reason. People like that don't change. They have power and control over you and they'll just keep doing it. I don't think telling you to break up with her will really make you do it. But a word of caution; there will come a time when she slips up again and everything fully unravels with full clarity. The heartbreak may haunt you for a long time to come.
I get a sense of a weak personality in you. Correct me if I'm wrong but if you delete or deactivate your account I don't think you keep getting emails. Regardless, I'd dump this chick, she's repeatedly lied to you. This isn't a "misunderstanding" she's lied to you about it on multiple occasions. Reminds of the time I was seeing this girl for a few months, but never any exclusive talk. I asked her a few time if she was still using dating apps to which she replied 'yes but just for fun'.
Come to find out a week or two before we called it quits she was already dating someone else.
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If she's using these apps and hasn't been seeing someone else, that you know of, maybe she just wants the attention. Still a shitty feeling to be lied to which to me would be just as bad as actually following through. I know she's just one person, but every time I hear a story like this I dislike humanity in general just a little more.
On the other hand, this sub is clearly giving him the advice he needs, so that makes me like humanity a little more.